When I first saw that the web search engine Bing declared that my Boozecoma.com site “might be dangerous” I thought “FINALLY! The recognition I deserve has been bestowed upon me!” However, before proper celebrations begin, what exactly makes it dangerous? Most likely all the really dirty shit takes place on Yahoo and Google keeping me in Safety Town with that crew. Bing is for Windows users and anyone watching Russian snuff films is doing it on a Mac to keep from getting the viruses (so i’ve heard) and resulting pornado that come from repeated viewing of unsavory foreign fluffing. On a danger scale I feel I’m ahead of the curve based on having a definition actually REJECTED on Urban Dictionary. But getting flagged by the Sbarro’s of web browsers makes me wonder.

You see people, dangerous isn’t that dangerous anymore. Danger got lazy. We don’t rob folks on the street any longer, it’s done from your Aunt’s basement on the internet from guys that learned hacking skills during lunch instead of eating because their milk money got peeled on the school bus. What is really scary to you chronic smart phone holders is actual confrontation. That is why Yelp is so popular. It is a one way conversation that allows you to complain about minute bullshit without the hassle of being interrupted by facts and logic. As I have said before-All it takes is one guy at Dunkin Donuts to reach across the counter and snap your head back on your latte boated ass to set the universe back in the right direction. In reality, danger is where the flavor is. As an example, let’s use the death of Carrie Fisher. There was an outpouring of sadness when she died, and rightfully so. Yet, it was mostly from Star Wars geeks who pined over her as she was the untouchable goddess from their youth. I never gave a shit about that movie. The Carrie Fisher that sent me floating was the pill popping, bad decision making version because frankly, those are the girls I have the most experience with. I’m not looking to rehash film scenes if I’m lucky enough to lasso a movie star, this guy wants to go off the rails and do carnal stunts that leave a scar. You only get one shot and you have to make it count. Again… flavor.

The only reasonable explanation I can surmise with the Bing thing is my website’s name-Boozecoma. I realize that this domain name may have hurt my entertainment progress in the past. I do have another, more palatable site that features my stand up at themidlifersstanduptour.com. As for the Boozecoma name, I chose it for several reasons:

1. My thought was it was easier to spell than my last name, therefore easier to get to.
2. It was an attempt to brand myself.
3. Some chooch already had JohnMcClellan locked up and I would rather pay to keep my name OFF the internet than pay to put it on there…

Once something is on the internet-it is on there forever. With this in mind, let’s keep my Bing status the way it is and kindly ask Google and Yahoo to grant my site “dangerous” status. After all, there is safety in numbers.