Ever wake up in the middle of the night confused about where you are? It always takes a few seconds to focus on something familiar or unfamiliar (jailhouse doors and strange foreign languages are 2 examples…) to get a sense of where it is that you closed your eyes. Well… I had that happen to me in my own bed last night-as a result of really not being my own bed much lately. I have checked in and out of a lot of places recently on the (SH)Out On The Road Tour. Let me tell you about a few of them:
St Louis-
I was invited to The World Series Of Comedy Final Event to perform this year by the festival after being a top 3 finalist last year. What amazed me about this city is the generous amount of lawyer billboards around town. The one I saw most often was for an injury lawyer with an eye patch. Let me repeat that- An injury lawyer with an eye patch! Wow. Either this guy is the greatest injury lawyer you could have, as his having an injury will ensure that he fights for every nickel you have coming. Or, he is a bad lawyer and one of his losing clients stabbed his eye out.
Little Rock-
I have what I refer to as a “medium hard” name. Not overly easy to spell but not hard enough to pass a DUI test by spelling it. In Google searches I compete with several people that share my name. The most well known is John L McClellan, an Arkansas Senator that was quite powerful and was on the cover of Time Magazine. This guy’s name is all over Little Rock. A hospital, a school and a street. Yet when it came to filling out the comment cards at the club, nobody could get my name right. “Last guy”, “bald guy” and a series of consonants were the top 3. Thankfully they were all good and not a legally binding document I would need an eye patch lawyer to get out of.
Buffalo-
Nothing out of the ordinary happened in Buffalo. I had good shows and I just wanted to mention it.
Wichita-
I wear a jacket for every show and wear it when I go out after the show. I like the way it looks. However, I am normally the only person wearing a jacket in the places I go. After one of the shows in Wichita, I was approached by a local who asked loudly “ARE YOU SOMEBODY IMPORTANT?” I replied “Yeah. I’m the mayor of Wichita.” He retorted “I will bet you $500 you’re not the mayor of Wichita!” I looked right at him and said “If had $500 I would be the mayor of Wichita.” I didn’t have to buy a drink for the rest of the night.
Boston-
When being introduced, I never have the host include where I live. Where you live is not a credit. Being on TV is. Oddly though, the host in Boston mentioned I live in New York City. Come on… This is Boston! They hate New York City! So, as you would expect, I was greeted with a round of boos. As I get to the microphone I ask “Why are you booing? Because of the Yankees?” The audience confirmed that was the reason. I opened up on them. “FUCK THE YANKEES! I couldn’t root for the Yankees if they were playing Al Qaeda!!!!” The audience erupts with cheers and gunfire and I am given a standing ovation.
Thanks to everyone who came out to see me so far this year! There are still more shows on the way: Fort Wayne, Connecticut and New Jersey before the year is out with The Pensacola Comedy Festival and Philadelphia shows to start 2020. Hope to see you there.
